just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
