Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
