so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He passed out mid-signature
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
