So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize