Just fell off a train. Bad.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
