we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
