He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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