Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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