i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
