Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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