ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
