I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
