Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
