My sheets look like a crime scene.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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