Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
