At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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