I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
