Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
