Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
