it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
