WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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