apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize