I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
