Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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