i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he shaved USA in his pubs
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
