so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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