Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
