You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
