hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Randomize
