We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
