So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
