I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
