Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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