Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
oh god was she eating orange peels again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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