When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
