I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
