I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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