Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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