you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
