As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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