can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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