So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone came in the potted fern
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
