Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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