He asked to "fluff my boner.."
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
