I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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