i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
