My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
