He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
