I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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