i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
honey bunches of taint.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
