Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
