There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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