Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You are a genius and a whore.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
