Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
