8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
