Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
