my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
