im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
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