sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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