just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
