I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
