Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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